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Apologizing For What You Did


What makes a great apology?


<offender>_ injured me by  _<injustice>_.


As a result, I experienced _<damage>_ and __<consequences>__.


I have held this debt long enough. 


I do not condone or excuse what they did – it was wrong and I was wronged.

I choose to release this debt.


<offender> doesn’t owe me anymore. I COMPLETELY release <offender>’s debt.

I forgive them completely.

Be specific. Just like an accounting of the debt that we would be asking to write-off a debt, what EXACTLY are you asking for forgiveness?

Be honest and complete. If you were going to forgive a debt that is owed, you would have a FULL accounting of exactly what is being forgiven. Even if it hurts to bring up the pain once again, it is important not to proceed until you are willing to have this full accounting.

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. (Luke 14:11)

While detailing the hurt, it is important in asking for forgiveness to include more than just the 

  • 1) event(s), but also the 

  • 2) pain it caused, and the 

  • 3) consequences.

Note that any great apology has 3 parts: 

  • 1) what happened, 

  • 2) pain that resulted, and 

  • 3) the consequences.


     1) I’m so sorry for hitting your arm with a bat. I really am. I fully acknowledge I was wrong.

     2) I’m sorry that I broke your arm.

     3) I’m so sorry it caused you to miss the golf tournament you’ve been wanting to play for the past year. That is on me. Please forgive me.


     1) I’m truly sorry for cheating on you. I really am. I fully acknowledge I was wrong.

     2) I’m sorry for the pain it caused you.

     3) I’m sure the consequences of my actions meant that it took away your ability to trust – not just me but others. That is on me. Please forgive me.

That covers the apology for:

  • 1) What happened

  • 2) The damage caused

  • 3) The consequences

BIG MOMENT: If you have a full accounting and can cover all three points of a great apology, then you are ready to proceed.

Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. (Matthew 6:12)

It's time to apologize: 

“I’m so sorry that I did ____ and it caused ____ damage, resulting in ________. Please forgiven me."

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